This week has really gotten away from me! Despite some big challenges, I’m glad to be smiling with my babies.
For those of you who are married, I bet you’ve heard the advice “Don’t go to sleep angry” a million times. I am going on the record as saying that I think this particular piece of advice is really stupid.
Based on my own experience, Nateanite and I are more likely to fight when we are tired. Things that seem huge, like our marriage might end over this, seem small and insignificant after a night of decent sleep. Based on the peer-reviewed literature, sleep deprivation can have a seriously negative impact on our relationships.
I think this is why so many folx say that the years when your children are little are the most challenging. You are both chronically sleep deprived. Babies waking in the night because they’re hungry, getting teeth, or were startled and need to be soothed are common place. A side effect of toddlers’ improved cognitive ability are night terrors.
I have felt the effects of these in recent weeks as A has been cutting some new teeth. Nateanite will tell you, and I will grudgingly confirm, that I have been on edge recently. Several mornings ago, after a particularly challenging night, when he timidly suggested that I treat him with a little respect (not such a tall order for your best friend and love of your life, right?) I angrily said that it was asking “too effing* much.”
Take a deep breath and cue to the next day. Yes, I am tired. So is he. Trying to rise above this I decided to listen in as Nateanite joined me in our efforts to convince E that the cup we gave her to bring to bed had juice in it (it was really water). It was during this time that I developed a recipe for falling back in love during these challenging times.
**Disclaimer: Your relationship needs to be founded on mutual respect, but you’re just experiencing a hiccup. If there is no respect there, please find someone safe to talk to and give you the support you need and deserve.**
Falling in Love With Your Partner
- 1 effort to back up the other person
- 1 promise that Batman will protect you over night
- Multiple expressions of love (as many as you want!)
- Blowing kisses on your way out the door
- Wish sweet dreams to your child
Have this conversation with your child or listen to your partner have this conversation with your child as often as you need.
*Maybe this goes without saying, but I am censoring myself here. Not one of my proudest moments.
Shortly after this post comes up, Nateanite and I will be flying with our girls to Salt Lake City to visit my extended family. I have been looking forward to this trip for months! We haven’t been to Utah in about seven years and I haven’t seen my grandparents for two years. It is time for a visit.
It is with this visit in mind that I share this quote with you. I know that not all of us are blessed to have parents or grandparents who are healthy to be around, but if you are please do what you can to spend time with them.
You may have noticed that I have had two weeks in a row of quotes. I feel it’s important to maintain a presence here, but I am buried in the end of the semester. My final paper and research proposal will be about the place government programs have in a changing workforce. I think they will both be incredible and I’m excited to link to them on my LinkedIn page. But it is definitely a topic that is taking me deep down the rabbit hole!
I am also a syndicated columnist at The Relationship Blogger and I hope you’ll visit me over there! My first post, Keeping your Marriage Alive in Sickness and Health, is pretty stellar (even if I do say so myself).
Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose
Will I ever see thee wed?
I will marry at thy will, sire
At thy will.
How can we show you how we feel?
You have given us your riches
We love you so.
Love, love, love, love
In the Gospel there is love
Love thy neighbor as thy brother
Love, love love.
With Mother’s Day right around the corner, love is definitely on my mind. Some of it is forced, as I peruse through my Facebook news feed and see memes about how the love of a mother is the only true love.
But ultimately, I have been thinking about love a lot because I am a human being who loves other human beings (and my cat).
I’ve always thought the way we talk about love is pretty ridiculous. As a society, we hold up romantic love as the pinnacle of “love achievement.”
Valentine’s Day is a billion dollar industry and we invest a lot of our time in celebrating this epitome of romantic love.
But there is more to love than just romantic love! I have always said (and I realize the privilege of being able to say this) that I have been “in love” for my entire life. I have always loved my parents – even when I didn’t show it. I have always loved my siblings – even when I would swing down from the top bunk and kick my sister in the face and then pretend to be asleep when my dad would come to discipline me. For as long as I can remember I have loved our planet and I have tried to take care of it as you might expect from a woman whose father wrote this book ?
With all of that, why do we not celebrate love every day!?
It is true, the love I have for my mother and the love I have as a mother are completely unique.
I truly think that my mother is a remarkable woman. Despite the challenges we had when I was growing up, I have never doubted that my mom would do anything for me.
Indeed, I feel that way about my own daughter. E may infuriate me, hit me in the face (if you have any advice on getting through this phase, please share in the comments!), and give me heart attacks daily because of her daring nature; but let me tell you, I would do anything for my little girl. The love I already feel for A is the same. Although I am sick and tired of being pregnant, I want what is best for her and would do anything to make sure she lives a fulfilled life.
What about you? What is your favorite kind of love?