Tag Archives: marriage

Beings of Love

April 14 quote

You may have noticed that I have had two weeks in a row of quotes. I feel it’s important to maintain a presence here, but I am buried in the end of the semester. My final paper and research proposal will be about the place government programs have in a changing workforce. I think they will both be incredible and I’m excited to link to them on my LinkedIn page. But it is definitely a topic that is taking me deep down the rabbit hole!

I am also a syndicated columnist at The Relationship Blogger and I hope you’ll visit me over there! My first post, Keeping your Marriage Alive in Sickness and Health, is pretty stellar (even if I do say so myself).

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The Sweetest Thing

My sweet husband, Nathan, asked me if I was blogging today and what I wanted to talk about.  I told him that I wanted to blog but I had no idea what to talk about.  Do you ever feel like that?  Like you have something bursting to come out of you but you have no clue what it is or how to put whatever “it” is into words?  Well, that’s been me today.

Luckily, Nathan told me that if I was at a loss I could always talk about him.  I have decided to take him up on his offer. Now the only dilemma is what exactly to talk about.  There is so much!  I’ve elected to talk about when Nathan asked me to marry him.

Prior to our marriage we decided to get an apartment together. Prior to our decision to move in together I made it clear that if we did move in together it was my expectation that we would be married within a year.  I didn’t want to be 35 with three kids and still “living with my boyfriend.”  Nathan was amenable to this and we proceeded to look for apartments.

Side note:  We are still living in that apartment.  It’s great, even if it is ridiculously expensive.

Anyway, at this time I was working the overnight shift (10 pm to 6 am) and Nathan was working during the day.  As a result, we almost never saw each other.  I got home a mere 30 minutes before Nathan got up to get ready for work.  I also started to work at Metro State because we were pretty short on money (although now that makes me laugh, because we’re even shorter now, haha.)  This meant that we almost literally never saw each other.  However, I had Monday off each week and so we always had lunch together on Mondays.  Typically we went to McDonalds.

As the months passed my attempts at convincing Nathan that we should get married soon increased as I pointed out the various positive aspects of married life.  These included (but were not limited to) increased financial aid (we wouldn’t have to claim our parents income on the FAFSA anymore), increased happiness for him (studies have shown this), a better tax return (again, because of the school thing), and more stability in our status as a couple.  I was beginning to doubt that any of this was sinking in until one day in September when Nathan told me that if we got married he would be eligible for the PELL Grant for the first time in his life.  It was then that I knew my overt tactics were working.

Several weeks later we were at McDonalds (yes, it was a Monday) and Nathan said to me, “So, I’ve been thinking that we should get married by the end of the year” (this was in October.)  I have to admit, I was stunned.  The first thing I said was “Are you serious?” (In hindsight, probably not the best thing to say.)  Nathan said that he was indeed serious.  I said, “Awesome!  I would love to marry you.”

And the rest, as they say, is history.  We got married on December 17th, 2010.  We have both agreed that it is the best decision either one of us ever made.  We’ve definitely had (and are still having) some growing pains.  But honestly, marrying Nathan is the best thing I have ever done for myself.

The best marriage advice I ever recieved

Well, gentle readers, it would been that when it rains it pours.  I haven’t had anything to say for days and now I’m finding that I have a lot to say.  I guess that’s how it goes sometimes.

I was raised to think, from the time I was quite young, that I would get married to a man someday.  In the LDS (aka, Mormon) church there are different organizations you belong to as you grow up.  Ages 1 1/2 – 3 go to Nursery.  Ages 3-12 go to Primary.  Ages 12-18 go to Young Men’s or Young Women’s (depending on your sex).  Ages 18-death go to Relief Society (for women) or Priesthood (for men.) 

From the time I was 12 I have been making lists enumerating the qualities that a potential mate would have.  My top two were that the man had to hold the priesthood (for more information on that click here) and he had to be college educated. I picked those things because all my friends were picking those things and because I believed they were important. 

However, I had no idea exactly what I was looking for.  Just as an example, let’s say I went Brigham Young University (BYU, it’s owned by the LDS church.)  There would be over 14,000 men that fit the criteria of being priesthood holders and college educated.  That’s a big pool to swim in! 

One day in my mid-teens I was bemoaning the difficulty of finding decent guys and trying to figure out how I’d know who to marry, my mom gave me some valuable insight.  She told me that if I was dating someone that fit my criteria but I wasn’t sure if he was “the one” I should ask myself one question.  Does this man make me want to be better?  And not in a controling way where my significant other is telling me that I need to hurry up and finish my degree, or that I need to lose weight, or that I need to improve myself.  This man should appreciate me for who I am, but also want me to develop my talents and grow as a person.

Armed with this piece of advice I went out into the world.  I found many males (not all of them were men.)  Almost none of them made me want to be better than I was today.  Following being in an abusive relationship I will admit that the priesthood criteria dropped off.  Now it was (and is) important to me to find someone that will accept the part of me that has been hurt by that other guy, along with everything else. 

I am so pleased to be able to say that I have found that person in my sweet husband.  His presence and example makes me want to be better than I am.  Every day is a new adventure.  I may not improve every day, but the desire is there.  He makes me want to be better each and every day.

Smattering of weekend thoughts

I have to admit, it’s been a busy weekend.  As always, I’ve been debating what I’m going to write about.  Often, there is a debate as to whether or not I’m actually going to write at all.  It looks like the writing instinct is winning out today, haha.

Today is a really special day for me.  Today marks my one year wedding anniversary to a very special man.  We spent last night at a Bed and Breakfast, which was fantastic.  To bed was comfortable, the whirlpool tub was the right size, and the lack of a T.V. was perfect.  I have to admit, it was very pleasant to have the only noise be the radio and our talking.   Oh yeah, and the clanking of the gas fireplace one in a while.  But really, it was beautiful.  I loved every minute of it.  I’m looking forward to going back to try out a different room.

We went for lunch with the family today, because my mother-in-laws birthday is on Wednesday.  It was really nice to see everyone.  My reclusive brother-in-law K was even there.  It was good to see him. And despite all that’s been going on recently, my MIL seemed to be really happy.

I know this is nothing really deep, but there has just been a huge feeling of content all weekend.  Being able to celebrate special events, preparing for the future, and just being able to relax has been absolutely sublime.  I would highly recommend this level of relaxation to everyone.

The crack of Dawn

This post is going to wax slightly melodramatic. Just wanted to give you a heads up just in case you are not in the mood for melodrama :).

It is 7:00 am and my brain is simultaneously telling me to go back to sleep and worry about my job.

You see, on Friday I was informed that I am not going to be considered for the job I’ve had this past year. I do not blame anybody. When union members apply for positions they must be considered over non-union members. I get that and I’m totally fine with it.

That said, I am still worried. What if I can’t find anything in the next month? We can’t make it on one income. What if I have to work three jobs? How will this affect our lives?

In the cold light of dawn (it is still somewhat dark out) these thoughts are racing through my mind. I feel compelled to do what I have done in hard times past. Go to my computer and make spreadsheets of every possible scenario. If I make “x” what do we cut back on? Do we need to cut back on anything?

I am also comforted by the vows my sweet husband and I took just one short year ago. Wherewe promised to love and cherish one another “for richer or poorer.”  I know everything will be fine. I am more lucky than most. I have a roof over my head, clothes for my body, food for my belly, and people who love me. It will be okay, I just need to convince all parts of my mind that this is the case.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year

This time of year is really special for me. As Christmas approaches I am bombarded with childhood memories of Christmas over the years. I’ve debated which ones to talk about here and which ones you probably won’t get.  Sometimes you just have to be there.  But there are a few that stand out in my mind as particularly precious.

To me, one of the most important traditions my family has is the reinactment of the Christmas Story, as told in the Bible and the Book of Mormon.  My dad reads from these sacred texts as the children act out the story.  The first year we decided to do this it was only me and M.  A far cry from the six of us there are today.  It was decided that I would be Joseph because I was taller. I wore a t-shirt of my dad’s and had a towel wrapped around my head.  M was Mary. She also wore a t-shirt of my dad’s and attempted to look pregnant until the moment that Jesus was visible in the story.  My stuffed tiger played the part of the donkey.  A stuffed duck was the animal in the stable.  A doll wrapped in a blanket was baby Jesus.  His manger was a little cubby in the entertainment center.  Clearly these were humble beginnings.  Each year we built on the tradition.  Now we have costumes (a relatively wide variety of bathrobes) and people to play almost every character in the story.  We’re still a little short for the Wise Men.  Mostly owing to the fact that there were 4 girls and 2 boys, it is a female dominated production.  Now my sweet husband is participating in this tradition for the first time this year.  It should be great!

The duck looked a little like this

Another unspoken tradition is getting up before the crack of dawn (2 or 3 am is customary) to sit around the tree and gaze longlingly at our gifts.  Usually around five or six am we start singing Christmas songs to inform my parents that we are ready for our gifts. We go around in a circle, each person getting a few seconds of attention on her/him and the gift.

One big rule. . .Santa DOES NOT bring the gifts that go under the tree.  He only brings the stuff in our stockings.

However, this time of year has recently become special for another reason.  On December 17th, 2010 I married the love of my life.  I know I frequently spout my feminist ideals on here and this statement may sound contradictory to those ideals, but I don’t care that much.  That was the best day of my life.  It was filled with family, love, and joy.  The judge that read us our vows was phenomenal.  Any government official that is willing to work until 5:30 pm on a Friday the week before Christmas is great in my book.

The morning of our wedding I got flowers and breakfast in bed. I have to admit, for such an independent woman I loved being taken care of.  I know it was our day, but I feel like I’m the lucky one.

See, definitely the lucky one here