Tag Archives: respect

We’re Only Human

I think we can all accept that people make mistakes. Some of them are worse than others, there’s no doubt about that, but mistakes often result in shrugged shoulders and a comment “Hey, we’re only human.”

So then, I wonder, why do we not extend the same courtesy to units of people? This could be a married couple struggling to parent, an organization that didn’t make exactly the right statement, or friends who didn’t offer the words of comfort you were looking for. Certainly, credit should be given for trying, right?

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I’m not saying we need to throw a parade because a white supremacist says “hey, maybe people of color have value.” That would be stupid, because they should have come to that conclusion well before lighting their tiki torch and going on a rampage. A simple “I’m glad you’re trying to be better” will suffice. And then a lengthy conversation about why they felt an entire group of people didn’t have value before.

When a church realized that it’s statement that “people of any faith, or of no faith at all, should be troubled by the increase of intolerance in both words and actions we see everywhere,” was being touted by white supremacists within their midst as a statement supportive of their bigoted views (how? But whatever, I guess) and they update their statement to say “White supremacist attitudes are morally wrong and sinful, and we condemn them. Church members who promote or pursue a “white culture” or white supremacy agenda are not in harmony with the teachings of the Church.” That’s the type of statement that should have you thinking “this organization has struggled with race relations in the past. Good for them for trying to move past it, they might be worth some consideration.”

Ultimately, I think that a lot of the horror we have been seeing is due to a serious lack of respect for one another. While not every attitude deserves respect, the person holding the bigoted attitude would benefit from respectful education about why their attitude presents a problem.

 

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Do you always have to be the one to engage? No way, you need to engage in self-care and (at least for me) that often means not engaging other people. You say what you can and then you step away.

People make mistakes, that’s just part of the gig. Organizations are made up of people and even though we are better together most of the time there are also times when we fall short.

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*Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

*Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

*Photo by Pablo Orcaray on Unsplash

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Recipe for Love

For those of you who are married, I bet you’ve heard the advice “Don’t go to sleep angry” a million times. I am going on the record as saying that I think this particular piece of advice is really stupid.

Based on my own experience, Nateanite and I are more likely to fight when we are tired. Things that seem huge, like our marriage might end over this, seem small and insignificant after a night of decent sleep.  Based on the peer-reviewed literature, sleep deprivation can have a seriously negative impact on our relationships.

I think this is why so many folx say that the years when your children are little are the most challenging. You are both chronically sleep deprived. Babies waking in the night because they’re hungry, getting teeth, or were startled and need to be soothed are common place. A side effect of toddlers’ improved cognitive ability are night terrors.

I have felt the effects of these in recent weeks as A has been cutting some new teeth. Nateanite will tell you, and I will grudgingly confirm, that I have been on edge recently. Several mornings ago, after a particularly challenging night, when he timidly suggested that I treat him with a little respect (not such a tall order for your best friend and love of your life, right?) I angrily said that it was asking “too effing* much.”

 

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
Sometimes you just have to sleep in random places Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Take a deep breath and cue to the next day. Yes, I am tired. So is he. Trying to rise above this I decided to listen in as Nateanite joined me in our efforts to convince E that the cup we gave her to bring to bed had juice in it (it was really water). It was during this time that I developed a recipe for falling back in love during these challenging times.

**Disclaimer: Your relationship needs to be founded on mutual respect, but you’re just experiencing a hiccup. If there is no respect there, please find someone safe to talk to and give you the support you need and deserve.**

Falling in Love With Your Partner

  • 1 effort to back up the other person
  • 1 promise that Batman will protect you over night
  • Multiple expressions of love (as many as you want!)
  • Blowing kisses on your way out the door
  • Wish sweet dreams to your child

Have this conversation with your child or listen to your partner have this conversation with your child as often as you need.

*Maybe this goes without saying, but I am censoring myself here. Not one of my proudest moments.