Tag Archives: sleeping

Recipe for Love

For those of you who are married, I bet you’ve heard the advice “Don’t go to sleep angry” a million times. I am going on the record as saying that I think this particular piece of advice is really stupid.

Based on my own experience, Nateanite and I are more likely to fight when we are tired. Things that seem huge, like our marriage might end over this, seem small and insignificant after a night of decent sleep.  Based on the peer-reviewed literature, sleep deprivation can have a seriously negative impact on our relationships.

I think this is why so many folx say that the years when your children are little are the most challenging. You are both chronically sleep deprived. Babies waking in the night because they’re hungry, getting teeth, or were startled and need to be soothed are common place. A side effect of toddlers’ improved cognitive ability are night terrors.

I have felt the effects of these in recent weeks as A has been cutting some new teeth. Nateanite will tell you, and I will grudgingly confirm, that I have been on edge recently. Several mornings ago, after a particularly challenging night, when he timidly suggested that I treat him with a little respect (not such a tall order for your best friend and love of your life, right?) I angrily said that it was asking “too effing* much.”


Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
Sometimes you just have to sleep in random places Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Take a deep breath and cue to the next day. Yes, I am tired. So is he. Trying to rise above this I decided to listen in as Nateanite joined me in our efforts to convince E that the cup we gave her to bring to bed had juice in it (it was really water). It was during this time that I developed a recipe for falling back in love during these challenging times.

**Disclaimer: Your relationship needs to be founded on mutual respect, but you’re just experiencing a hiccup. If there is no respect there, please find someone safe to talk to and give you the support you need and deserve.**

Falling in Love With Your Partner

  • 1 effort to back up the other person
  • 1 promise that Batman will protect you over night
  • Multiple expressions of love (as many as you want!)
  • Blowing kisses on your way out the door
  • Wish sweet dreams to your child

Have this conversation with your child or listen to your partner have this conversation with your child as often as you need.

*Maybe this goes without saying, but I am censoring myself here. Not one of my proudest moments.


Washing the Washer

Well friends, I’m officially almost done with day 7 of not going to work.  It’s definitely weird and I’ve come to the conclusion that the title of homemaker is not for me quite yet (or perhaps ever.)

I’ll kick off by sharing what I did today.  I cleaned our apartment (it actually looks pretty awesome), organized the closet (with some handy tips from my sweet husband), did some editing on Rebecca’s story, watched “Ratatouille” and  debated going for a walk.  The walk didn’t win because it would have required me to actually put some decent clothes on.  My uniform of the past week has been yoga pants and a baggy t-shirt.

However, the point of this post is not to give you a play-by-play on my slothful, stay-at-home-wife ways.  The reason I’m writing about this is because I am infinitely grateful for all the people that are able to stay home to take care of their families.  Yes, at this point my family consists of my husband, cat (Merigold), and turtle (Francis.)  But still, I rather enjoy taking care of them and keeping them happy.  I just don’t think I can face it as a full time job.  And really, the most active person here (besides me) is Merigold and she sleeps a lot. Indeed, she is sleeping as I type this very second.  Francis is pretty quiet, so I think he may be sleeping too.  I can accept that if they were human children I would be intensely happy that they were asleep.  However, this is not the case.

So, to everyone out there who is perfectly happy being selfless at all times, I say thank you.  Particularly to my own mother.  My mom, until very recently, stayed home with us.  Grated, with six  children daycare costs would be astronomical. But it was no a financial decision that my parents made. My mom has confided in me that she would prefer to stay home with her kids if she had the choice.  She laments that she does not have that option at this point in time.

I will simply conclude by saying thank you to everyone who is more selfless than I am.  I have much to learn from you.